Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
