hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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