don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
