His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
