remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
