Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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