She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
