Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
