Duck Duck Cougar?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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