Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
soo... how was my night?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize