dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
