How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
