The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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