Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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