morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
