i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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