I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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