I hate all girls vehemently.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
