I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
