I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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