Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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