So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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