i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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