Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
and she was petting her beer can
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
