My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
