Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
