how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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