Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize