tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
