so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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