i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
