Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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