So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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