my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
