I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
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