woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
