How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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