I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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