do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
