Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize