i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
