That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
