If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
