yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
