Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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