I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
