i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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