Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
