Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize