I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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