either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
