I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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