just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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