you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
