it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
