and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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