When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
