exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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