Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He? As in you personified your dick?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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