I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
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