I've blown a few things in my day
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
