I saw his package. It spoke to me.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
