she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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