Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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