I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
