My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
