drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
