you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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