I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
