i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
