for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
