NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
