Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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