its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
