bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
