I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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