Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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