But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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