i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
