To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
