You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
