i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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