I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Let's get the cat blown out
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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