hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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