I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
